I bought a dress for the version of me who makes reservations.

There is a silk backless dress hanging in my closet with the tags still on it. I bought it last month because I imagined a version of myself who goes to dimly lit wine bars on Thursday nights, effortlessly makes dinner reservations, and never cancels plans.

The reality? The dress is currently watching me eat takeout noodles in my sweatpants while I binge-watch a true-crime documentary.

I used to feel guilty about aspirational shopping until I found out it is a documented psychological phenomenon. In the late 1980s, psychologist E. Tory Higgins introduced Self-Discrepancy Theory. He proposed that we all possess an "Actual Self" (who we really are) and an "Ideal Self" (who we wish we were).

When we buy that stunning dress, or that aesthetic planner we will never write in, we aren't just buying an object. We are attempting to purchase proximity to our Ideal Self. According to consumer psychology, acquiring these items gives us a temporary hit of dopamine because, for a brief moment in the fitting room, we become that glamorous, highly social person.

But Friday night rolls around, the Actual Self takes over, and the couch inevitably wins.

And honestly? That is perfectly fine. The Ideal Self is exhausting anyway. If you, too, are navigating the gap between your aspirational wardrobe and your actual energy levels, the trying again tomorrow (probably) / Dad Hat is your perfect companion. It is the uniform of the Actual Self. Wear it while you stay inside, look at that silk dress, and promise yourself you’ll definitely go out next weekend. Probably.

The Science Behind the Vibe:

• Higgins, E. T. (1987). Self-discrepancy: A theory relating self and affect. Psychological Review. Higgins explains how the gap between our "actual self" (who we are) and our "ideal self" (who we aspire to be) drives our behaviors, including aspirational consumer purchases intended to bridge that psychological gap. Link to Official DOI